Dib's Keep Out
by cupidity11
Summary: His journal holds all the secrets of a tale after the death of his enemy. What will Dib do now that his life has just become meaningless? Or has it? Mild ZADR
1. Chapter 1

January 4th, 2016

Day 1827 since Zim arrived.

2:30 PM

It's average. Normal now.

Running about my quiet neighborhood, trekking through this stupid, nameless town with my nemesis.

We throw punches and laugh.

Kick and scream insults. Afterwards we walk around, hands in pockets just talking.

Nothing important mind you, but just stuff we both feel.

Abused. Abandoned.

Sometimes he'll speak of Irk. It sounds beautiful.

I'll tell him about my mom. He didn't laugh when I cried. Not saying he comforted me either. But it's something new.

We'll debate about religion, the afterlife, politics, and of course it always comes back to the fate of Earth.

By no means are we friends.

So many problems still exist. But maybe one day…

I can look at him and not feel like I'm looking at a bomb just waiting to explode.

Maybe one day I won't feel him watching me with suspicion in those mauve eyes.

Maybe.

Or maybe not.

January 10th, 2016

Day 1833 since Zim's arrival.

3:45 PM

I wish he would stop giving me these looks.

Hate has become something that used to be.

Now he just watches me intently. As I walk. As I eat. When I slack off in class. When I'm speaking to anyone he clenches his hands, gloves squeaking so loud I hear it across the room.

I can't decide if it's creepy or…addictive.

To have his big, big eyes always on me. Oh god. It's not like that. I swear. But, it sounds so gay. He's my enemy.

I'm already weird. That wouldn't help things for me. Besides I don't like guys. I don't like anyone.

No one likes me either so I guess it a mutual kind of thing.


	2. Chapter 2

February 13th, 2016

Day 1866 since Zim's arrival.

1:12 PM

Something is wrong.

I can feel it. It's kind of like a 6th sense. I've spent so much time around him for the last almost 5 years now; it's so easy to read his expressions. To catch little stutters and I feel it in my bones now that something is up with Zim.

He's not loud. Well that's not true, the ass is always loud, but there's a catch there when he screams. Not the same. There's something in those magenta depths that keep secrets more securely than his blue contacts.

I'm going to confront him about it later. After skool.

We walk home together now.

It's easier this way. I don't have to hide in trash bins every few seconds to follow him and he doesn't have to shoot at every squirrel that runs by because he's paranoid.

February 13th, 2016

Later. 3 ½ hours to be exact.

4:42 PM

Zim isn't telling me anything. It's pissing me off.

Is it wrong to feel I have rights to this kind of stuff?

To know what's bothering him?

Anyways…got to ice the new wounds I have.

Wound log:

2 scratches.

Assuredly 6 bruises along my ribs cage, joining the yellowing ones from last week.

A deep cut along my right leg (New scar?)


	3. Chapter 3

March 1st, 2016

Day 1900 since Zim's arrival.

12:15 PM

Zim is so weird.

He comes to skool, eyes down. I ignore him at first. It's a game we play. One of our mini ones in the epic one we always continue. Counting out points depending on our scars and burns.

Lunch comes around…

I smack him upside the head, and walk away. Waiting…then nothing. I slap my trey of slop to my table, and look up at the alien who isn't moving. Isn't trying to get back at me or screaming obscenities.

It…scares me.

What's wrong with him! It's getting progressively worse as the days fly on.

Worse is that it's affecting me. I want to soothe the worry I see in him.

Destroy the thing responsible for ruining our fight.

I see him checking his communicator every few hours. Then minutes.

Why?

March 7th, 2016

Day 1906 since Zim's arrival.

1:53 PM

Is it physically possible to be this annoyed with someone, that you want to tear their head off and feed it to a shark?

That's normal right?

Then there the other part, equal in strength, that wants to just talk and banter. Its so interesting speaking with him. It's like I'm seeing a whole new world I'd always known was there but the proof was just now arriving.

Zim is that. Proof at my doorstep.

I would do best to remember that.

Not get caught up in all of this nonsense that other teens worry about.

Like making friends and dating and skool work and football games and prom.

Nope. I'm happy with my life now. Believe it or not. I promise there's no sarcasm in this.

I'm happy…chasing him, fighting him. Talking and screaming at him, while I have the time to think after I'm done with him. He's so mind numbing and exhausting, the time I don't spend with him I spend resting and trying to comprehend what had just been said.

Jeeze…I just realized that even in my journals I go off on rants. Oh well. Not like anyone's ever going to read this, let alone decode my chicken scratch.

One last thought: Zim and I are alike.


	4. Chapter 4

March 12th, 2016  
Day 1911 since Zim's arrival.  
5:23 PM

I'm shaking. So afraid. So alarmed and weirded out.

Zim kissed me. Sort of. Ugh.

WHY?

I seem to end my posts like this more and more as time goes on.

It's all his fault.

Everything is Zim's fault.  
EVERYTHING.

March 12th, 2016  
2 hours later.  
7:27 pm

Wound Log:  
Scratches on neck  
Bitten lips (They won't stop tingling. He poisoned me, the ass-hole.)

I feel calmer. Kind of.

I can maybe describe what happened without pitching a fit and throwing things.  
It wasn't even really a kiss. A kiss is a touching of lips right? Well there was no tongue or teeth or saliva. It wasn't raw and gross as I'd come to associate kisses with.

It was…just for a second. Maybe a microsecond.

It felt longer than that but it wasn't.

Is it weird that I clock our battles? Well I do and this was no longer than three seconds if that according to my watch.

So anyway he leaned forward, and I remember freaking out, getting ready to throw another bruising punch to his smug face.

But something stopped me.  
It was the expression on his face.

It wasn't smug. A rarity and something that will never happen again.  
But it was almost serious. If Zim could ever be serious.

He placed his dry, thin lips roughly over mine.  
I don't think he understand the weight some humans put on such a simple thing as a kiss. Why do I think this?

Because after he did it, pulled away and looked into my eyes for a few more seconds, he raised both arms and screamed "I AM ZIM!" so loud it echoed across the sky.

That when I hit him.

I hate him.  
I do.  
I really, really almost hate him.

Edit: I want to hate him. But, I don't think I can.

Damn.


	5. Chapter 5

March 13th, 2016  
Day 1912 since Zim's arrival.  
3:00 am

I can't NOT think about him. About it. About why it happened and what the fuck was going through Zim's mind when he did it?

Did he understand what it meant?

Or was it curiosity? Something else? Is it a plot?

I'm not gay.

Especially not when it involves an alien with a god-complex who has plans to annalite my race.

Nope, I hate…that I can't even hate him anymore.  
He annoys me. I want to beat the living day-lights out of him all the time.  
Our banter is fun. Cruel at times and usually random on his part.

I wish he never would've come here. To Earth.  
I wish he hadn't kissed me.  
I wish I could sleep and not keep replaying that one brush of lips over and over again.

I am not thinking this.

I am not going to think about this anymore. I have better things to do with my time.

Like punching someone.

Specially a short, temperntal alien.

Whose name starts with a Z.  
Ends with an M.

Zim.

Zim.

How is this happening to me?

I like his name. Too much. God, if there's a God(which I'm doubting more and more these days), please help me.


	6. Chapter 6

March 20th,2016  
Day 1919 since Zim's arrival.  
2:15 PM

I try. I'm trying.  
To stay away.

To hide from Zim. To fight this need to talk to him and meet his eyes.  
I never realized how hypnotic they are.

They aren't like normal eyes, obviously. But rather bigger and glittering with his feral emotions. It sounds like bad poetry.

Really horrible, emo sounding poetry.

I won't fight him. He's trying to act like nothing happened but, I won't fall for it. For his calm charade.

Even though I'm avoiding him I still see him out of the corner of my eye, constantly checking his Communicator. Constantly glancing out at the red sky.

Is he waiting for something?

If so…what?

It must be bad because sometimes I swear I catch him shaking a little.

I feel that tightening in my chest. The sun is glistening of his bright blue contacts and I know that his real eyes would be better in that harsh sun. They would be shinier, bigger, more expressive.

They would reveal his secrets and I could finally understand what's inside him.  
But, what if what I find out is…bad?

It shouldn't matter. It doesn't matter anyway because I'm done with him.

March 25th, 2016  
Day 1924 since Zim's arrival.  
5:10 PM

Miserable. I can't be apart from him.

That's what makes me pitiful.

That the only one to ever understand me isn't even from this stupid world.  
Zim is the only one who makes me this crazy. This angry.

This neurotic and crazily obsessed.

Everything was so bland before him. Everything is so bland now.

Unbearable.

Could I give in?

Edit: Can I afford to not give in? I can feel it now. Like something's going to happen. Something that's going to change me. Is this what Zim has been feeling? This dread. I find myself glancing at the sky, searching for something I don't know.

I just know that when it happens, when it comes…it will make my entire life change.


	7. Chapter 7

April 2nd,2016  
Day 1932 since Zim's arrival  
4:06 PM

Kissed him this time. I knew it was a bad idea. I knew it yet…he was just standing there looking so angry and I needed to win. He'd kissed me, and now it was my turn, damn it.

I wouldn't lose this war.

He pressed back for a few minutes and I felt a little flutter in the center of my stomach.

I think that's good. Not a disease hopefully. Or alien spawn…God that's a creepy idea. I'm gonna have nightmares.

Then he pulled away, sucker punched me and ran off. But, not before he spat many stupid words at me that I still don't understand.

I caught a few that I knew:  
Jiyua(Jee-you-ah)=liar  
Kilo(Kee-low)=death  
Mii (me)=me  
Heirwgoh(He-air-wo-goh)=mistake  
Yitugon(ye-too-gone)=Goodbye

Altogether not good sounding.

Wound Log:  
Heart is numb.  
A few scratches.  
Mostly just numb. The pain will come later.


	8. Chapter 8

A.N.: PLEASE READ BEFORE MOVING ON  
So...this is the part. Where you might end up hating me. I'm so sorry.  
Now please don't panic. I hate doing this but it's essential to my plot o' amazingness.  
It's not what you think it is.  
With that said...read at your own caution:

April 11th,20? Is it 16? I don't care.

He's gone.

Eyes open, blank. Colder than ever.

No noise breaks this silence. No cruel words or kisses.

No ripping skin. No war.

He's never going to fight again.

April 12th, 2016

I opened the note:

It doesn't sound like a suicide note. It doesn't sound real.  
I can't live without him. Maybe I should follow his example.

But, I can't because it says in the note not to.  
To not be 'weak'.

Then what do I do, Zim! I want to scream at the thing that used to be my enemy.

My enemy that just a few days ago I'd been obsessing about and kissing. The enemy I'd begun to like kissing.

April, 12th  
4 hours after Zim's death.

I'm pacing around him.

I can't bear to look at him. His magenta eyes are pleading. It feels like he's begging me for something. Only I don't know what.

When I'd gotten here about…5 hours ago I'd broken into the lab using the knowledge I'd collected about the security system, a hammer and Gir's enthusiastic help.

Once inside the door, I'd thrown the hammer aside and looked around for the alien only have my eyes fall upon the quaking irken on the floor, who looked like he'd dropped in the process of being dragged off.

I didn't breath for a few precious seconds then sprinted to Zim, heart beating frantically.

I'd gasped his name and he'd reacted, weakly. Zim raised his claw and pointed at the shadows behind me, I grabbed the hand and tried not to panic.

Zim tried to open his mouth but no sound came out as far as I could tell, just the gaping of the irken's large, serrated teeth. He was shaking horribly as he'd been for the last few days.

Why?

I told him to hang on. This wasn't ending tonight.

Two seconds later he stopped breathing. Ceased moving.

I couldn't even cry, for fear of burning his skin with the drops of toxic tears.  
So I begged and cussed instead.


	9. Chapter 9

March 13,2016  
2 days after Zim's death.

The Irkens came and got him. I guess maybe his Pak alerted them or something.

I wish I could've…buried him or cremated him. Gave him a proper burial. But, I guess his people will know what to do with him better than me.

I never saw it happen though.

I fell asleep, or rather passed out on the floor, next to Zim's body and woke up to find it gone. That's when I finally cried.

And screamed.

And ranted and wished for death.

No enemy.

No purpose. No Zim.

No Zim…

No…

Zim's Note: (It makes no sense most of the time.)

Dear Dib-Worm,  
It's not meant to be like this. Zim never expected for this to happen.

To fall to levels Irkens do not recognize.

But, I did.

Defect. The ones, the Hiyjak come. No time to really explain.

No decoding either.

You will understand. Not now. Not in a hundred years. But, one rotation.

I hate will separate come to back.

Be here soon. Be strong. Be fearless. Be human,Dib.

Yitugon,  
Jemna.  
-Zim

(What does it mean?)


	10. Chapter 10

March 15th, 2016  
4 days after Zim's death.  
6:09 AM

Refuse to go to skool without him.

Won't live without him. Can I?

I feel…lost. Broken. I tell myself I can move on without him.

He is after all just a stupid alien who came to destroy us. Failed.

Not one I came to care for or…miss.

Fucking tears.

Baby. Whiner. Weak. Worthless. Idiot. Loser. Freak.

Wound Log:  
I wish I had some to put in.

March 19th, 2016  
8 days after Zim's death.  
4:03 pm

Death.  
I've never thought much of it.

Yes, I've seen it on Tv and in movies. In books, in music.  
Even heard kids talk about it at skool. But, I have never thought of it in any seriousness, too busy trying to catch that alien. Zim. (Still hurts to even think of him. To write his name…)

But, now it's shoved at me, down my throat and I can't not think of it. Of him. Of our time together. It feels fake. I might think it was fake and maybe all an illusion for how fast this happened, if it wasn't for the house at the end of my block, still bright green and waiting for the elements to destroy it.

A skeleton that used to fascinate me. Now it's just a house. A skeleton of it's former self. It's lost it's eerie glow it used to radiate. It was from Zim.  
But, it's my remaining link to the invader now. I will go there again someday.  
Maybe when I can stop cringing when I see it.


	11. Chapter 11

March 28, 2016  
17 Days After Zim's Death.  
2 weeks and 3 days.  
6:09 PM

Hanging is too painful. Air cutting off.

Slashing wrists is too…cliché.

A gunshot to the temple…possible though.

Suicide.

Another new thing I'd been thinking of since he's been gone.

But, then again in his note he said not to be 'weak'. Did he mean this?

What did he mean by the gibberish, damn it!

If I could only figure it out…I could do something. I don't know what. It wouldn't change that he 's dead.

Dead and never coming back.

Never.

Then why is there something inside of me that doesn't believe that?

It must be the stupid part of me that believed in ghosts and bigfoot.

I mean…maybe they're out there somewhere, but nothing is as interesting as Zim.

Nothing holds my interest or makes me want to scream with frustration or smile like an idiot. Nothing is as dumb as him, standing there with his hands on wide yet small hips and a goofy victorious expression even though he won nothing.

Nothing is as…cool as his inventions that fail in the end usually from his own stupidity. Not one thing has ever made me this hungry for a conversation. This distracted from my work and overzealous.

When I was around him I wasn't a nerdy, freak who had a big head and had OCD after OCD, I was Dib. The real Dib. Someone to be feared and challenged. He respected me, for my mind, for my body.

I was dangerous with him. Together we could do a lot of things we weren't capable of apart.

…No I can't give up. It would be giving into him. Into this sadness.

Even if he's, dead I can't let him win.

I'll just continue on like I always have and always will.

Wish me luck…not that I'll need it.


	12. Chapter 12

August 20th, 2016  
162 Days after Zim's death  
7:09 am

It's been nearly six months since I last wrote. It's almost seven since his death as well.

Some things I have figured out during my extended attempt at living without Zim;

1.I suck at paranormal investigating.

father is a douche.

people do not deserve to be saved.

4.I cannot and I do not think I have stressed this enough, I CANNOT live without him.

5.I can look at his base without breaking down.

6.I am...gay.

It's been very eventful.

Since I know I can't die because of Zim's stupid cryptic note which I STILL do not understand and I will fall into a black hole unless I do something to distract myself, I have decided to do a lab investigation of Zim's base.

I should've done it long ago. But, better late than never. I mean I do not even know why he died. Maybe if I figure that out I can get some sleep. I can maybe move on. Stop thinking about him and give up on his note.

I have to go to skool or I'll get kicked out.

I almost wish I was so I could focus on the base and not waste my time on worthless topics.

Okay enough procrastinating.

Later: 2:03 PM

Ditched skool.

These people have forgotten him like I should be able to but can't.

Yet, I don't feel envy. I feel a white hot rage.

It makes me want to make all their predictions about me come true. About me being the kid who brings a gun to skool and kills everyone.

I shouldn't think like this.

It's horrible.

Without him near me I have nowhere to release my frustrations and pent up anger at the world. Why did I want to save it when no one would give a damn?

No more emo rant.

I have a plan about the Base;

It's four fold.

inside.

as much information as possible.

why Zim died.

out, destroy all evidence of his existence and move on.

Simple, sweet and oh-so impossible.

I start tomorrow at the break of dawn. This will last one week, max.

Will inform about my findings when I gather them.


	13. Chapter 13

August 21st, 2016  
Day 163 after Zim's death  
Day 1 of my lab investigation

I have brought my journal along to keep notes and thoughts down.  
I am in Zim's old base.

Being here without knowing he's somewhere in the vast rooms lurking about is eerily. So much so that I can't help but shake.

My footsteps make hollow bangs against the cold metal floor. The surfaces are as clean from dust as the day he died. This leads me to believe that the computer system is still functional and keeping the base germ free for its deceased master.

A quick search reveals no sign of Gir.

I am disappointed because he could've proved useful in my investigation….then again this is Gir we're talking about.

I break into the main lab which is underground. I shake so hard I can barely write this. Goosebumps break out and I'm sweating. Damn it.

The shield I've put up to get this far is crumbling faster than I expected.  
Must hurry before I break down.

Looking around the dark lab, I feel a disturbing mix of dread and nausea seeing the place where he died and…anticipation. I am going to learn more about my enemies' life.

The first few levels on Zim's computer reveal little. I dig deeper and realize he used the same system for hiding things as I do. Take one file and lay a bunch of false one. It takes forever to find the real file if ever.

I find some interesting stuff once I do find it however: an irken translator, a few of his previous blueprints for plans involving the downfall of the planet, and a folder marked simply as: Earth. Clicking on it opens to reveal two more folders. One marked 'Good' and its counterpart 'Bad'. I click on bad first.

The screen explodes with pictures. Leaning closer, I begin to scroll through what Zim considered to be bad about Earth. Images of water, dogs, vegetables, old technology from the 80's. I roll my eyes at the naked people, and reality TV shows. Zim is-was a moron.

I find a picture of myself from 4th grade. I have a forced smile that doesn't reach my golden eyes surrounded by heavy thick lenses.

Holy crap. Where had he found this? It wasn't a skool photo that was for sure.  
Moving on, I click on Good.

There are only a few pictures in this one; Junk food of all shapes and sizes, the sky at all times of day, a few deadly looking weapons and my heart stops.

Another picture of me. Not as a kid. But just a few months ago. I'm leaning against a wall watching the other teen talk and laugh. I'm tall and gawky, black trench coat standing out against the blank white wall. I look lonely.

If Zim had these two photos of me…who knows how many more he had? I had my own personal collection of him.

I feel a mix of freaked out by this and…a little pleased which is sick.  
The feeling or mourning him never fades. Never disappears. So why do I want to grin?

I'll tell you why. Because Zim put me in the good folder too, and that makes me want to shout 'Victory for Dib!' like a moron I knew once upon a time.


	14. Chapter 14

August 27th, 2016  
Day 169 of Zim's death  
Day 6 of my Lab Investigation  
3:09 am

I have not had time nor the patience to write. I have learned so much in so little time. Lost in Zim's base, in his life.

I wouldn't even be writing this now unless I was forcing myself. I am keeping tabs about some stuff so I don't forget.

The dictionary is very helpful if difficult to understand since there is not any simple definition. In fact each word comes accompanied with a whole near paragraph in an effort to explain the word.

As an example….Jemna. Zim said it in the letter he wrote me. Then it meant nothing to me, gibberish of a dying moron. Now it makes perfect sense.

Now it makes the back if my neck burn and a weird warmth in my belly spread.  
I will copy the definition here:

Jemna ( Jeh-mm-nah): The indefinite partner to another irken; theirs to possess, hate, love, control, fight, kill, mate with ;forever and eternity forever ;a illegal partnership; corruption of the highest form; Irkens die and murder for their Jemnas; defection; powerful emotions that defy Pak logic and go against irken instincts; the complicated process of marking another individual as property using all senses.

Does this mean that even now I am marked by an irken invader? Does it make him mine?

I panicked after finding and decoding it.

The second definition I looked up was Hiyjak. Unlike many of the definitions this one is only a few words long;

Hiyjak: Deadly assassins of the hiyjak race, in charge of universal time travel. Note: Conquered and destroyed by the Irken Empire. Extinct.

Nothing makes sense. In fact I have more questions now than when I started. I guess I better get used to that.


	15. Chapter 15

September 1st, 2016  
Day 174 since Zim's Death  
Day 11 of my lab Investigation

I have finally translated enough of the Tallest to Zim transmission that I found a few days ago in order to copy it here in English.

Personal comments afterwards:

Transmission Date: December 23, 2015 8:09 PM  
From: The Massive  
Subject: Do not respond, Zim.

Tallest Red- Greetings Zim.

Tallest Purple- Yes, greetings.

T.R.- There is, as you can tell, a certain reason we have sent a transmission. This is not usually our style, but due to recent events regarding you and Irk we have decided to finally take—

T.P- Action. [Pulls out a list.] Here we have the full extent of you're destructive records. Afterwards we will tell you what we wish for you to do. Now… [Clears throat] Painful Overload Day 1.

T.R- As well as two.

Purple- Yes. The accidental assassination of Tallest Myuki by the hands of your uh…

Red- Blob thingy. Then soon after the equally accidental assassination of Tallest Spork.

Purple- [Nods] Blowing up the science wing 238 times.

Red- Blowing up the docking area 135 times.

Purple- Blowing up the engine room 12 times.

Red- Leaking acid all across the control room 4 times.

Purple- Single handedly killing all your troops in Invader Training.

Red- Then after being given a chance, leaving your post and ruining Operation Impending Doom one.

Purple- Nearly destroying our civilization and causing Irk to go under repairs for the next 100 years as the Control Brain struggled to create new smeets.

Red- Leaving your trial to get a snack, blowing up the snack machine and destroying power for the entire half of Planet Devastis.

Purple- Forcing us to take your trial elsewhere. To Irk again, where the Control Brain re-encoded you as a Food Service drone. You were sent to FoodCourtia, banished from Irken life. It was—

Red- A generous punishment after what you had done. But, you 0only stayed for 1/16th of your sentence.

Purple- You came to Conventia using a stolen Voot Cruiser and begged for a part in O.I.D 2. How could we turn you down when we were afraid that you would kill us too? That's when—

Red- I came up with the plan to send you to a planet that was unmarked and far, far away from our area of conquering.

Purple- You took it without questioning, asking us where it was. We found a random planet at the very far end of the universe that had never really been examined before because of the toxic fluid found there.

Red- We congratulated ourselves on a job well done when you left, basically a million, million light-years away from us and any damage you could do. We took it as our cue to relax, assuming somewhere along the way you would be terminated by your own stupidity.

Purple- [sighs] only we forgot to factor in the crazy luck you have, and your own instincts for self preservation.

Red- You called us seven months later, telling us you were settled in and ready to destroy these 'humans' and Earth would be part of the Conquered plants soon. We were in shock to say the least and very skeptical.

Purple- But, you weren't near us so we let you have your way. Until…the calls started. You called every day almost. Boring us to tears with your encounters with Dib and Dogs and Meat and uh…other gross sounding things.

Red- We considered that your version of progress. Maybe you could actually do this. Maybe. Then you took the Massive for a joy ride and as predicted messed things up for yourself.

Purple- On the 5th year of you being on that Planet we realized that you were hopeless. The other invaders had already claimed their planets and had came back for more. We were in Operation Impending Doom 3.

Red- You were still blabbering on about your plans for taking over. However we knew there wee obstacles that kept getting in your way. Why else would one Invader who had been on trial twice, and escaped twice and managed to destroy so many lives…how could you not have succeeded yet?

Purple- It made no sense to us. So we looked things up. Hacked your programs and found out that your Defection was becoming much worse.

Red- [nod] You'd claimed a human, as your Jemna and possibly had plans to return with him to Irk. We couldn't let that happen. It was one thing to be Defective…another to bring an alien lover as your Jemna. It's unheard of and Jemnas are illegal Zim. You knew this. Thought you could get around it somehow.

Purple- No one does, Zim. Not even the most powerful people in the Universe [Red and Purple exchange a look] can get past the Control Brain's laws.

Red- So, that was the final incident that convinced us that you were unsalvageable and no longer an asset to the Empire.

Purple- This is your final warning and direct orders.

Red- Stay on earth, Zim.

Purple- With your Jemna.

Red- You will not return to Irk or to the Massive unless you wish to be destroyed.  
Purple- We will not tolerate you anymore, Zim.

Red- If we hear or see any activity that indicates your even thinking about leaving the atmosphere of your planet…

Purple-…we will take violent action.

Red- Good bye Zim.

Purple- Good bye. Terminate the transmission.

Transmission: Terminated.  
Sent to: Zim.

Personal Thoughts:

Fucking assholes, and cowards. Is this why Zim is gone? Did they kill him? If they did…I'll kill them. But, how to the Hiyjak's come into play? So confused…he wanted me to come with him…That moron really cared about me.

He might've gave up destroying earth for me.

Now…he's dead. Fuck…

I hate crying. It makes me feel human and I don't want to be human anymore.


	16. Chapter 16

September 20, 2016  
Day 193 since Zim's Death  
Day 31 of my lab Investigation

I wish I could say that this lab thing I've set out upon made me feel numb. Instead I think it's dragging me downward.

I can't help but feel as if since I've spent so much time immersed in his life that I should be desensitized to every weak emotion.

Maybe that's what I thought would happen.

Instead I saw his picture for the first time in weeks, and I broke down.

The tears wouldn't stop and I hated him then. I hated him for leaving me and for dying and for making me feel as if I could've done something to stop it.

September 22, 2016  
Day 195 since Zim's death  
Day 33 of my Lab Investigation

I found more pictures of me too. It's all in one folder, labeled insultingly as 'Bighead'.

My head isn't big, damn it. But, these pictures are ones ranging from elementary skool, all the way through a few weeks prior. Over a three hundred in there.

It's a small amount compared to my collection of 800. I also have detailed sketches, a few x-rays and more careful notes than I could ever count.

It's safe to say that my entire closet is full of memories of him. I tried to clean it out a few days ago and I couldn't make myself throw away one stupid piece of trash or broken invention of his.

I'm realizing I may have been more in over my head with him than I had previously thought.

The phrase, head over heels, is appropriate.

I'm not saying I loved him.

But…I'm not saying I hated him either.

We were too alike for that. Our talks ring in my ears and I want to hear his voice once more.

So I play back the many recording I took so long ago and fall asleep to them playing in my ears.

A.N:

Sorry, I haven't posted one a while. Just been mehs and so much laziness. I've also been busy on requests and a few new One-shot ideas.  
Please enjoy angsty-Dibbles


	17. Chapter 17

September 23,2016

I woke from my sleep and thought I heard something inside of Zim's lab. Yes, I've been staying here.

But, the noises…they sounded like far off voices. Voices that mocked and laughed. Some that sounded almost like him…and others that were high pitched and malevolent.

I investigated the source, following the high grey walls and trusting my ears to lead me.

I searched everywhere. In every room, every corner and nook.

There's no one here. No one but me, the computer and whatever memories left that keep replaying.

But, the voices keep talking. Whispering, chuckling like they have a secret joke I am not allowed in on for it would ruin their game.

They are getting louder.

August 13th, 2016  
Day 160 since Zim's death.  
Day 44 of my Lab Investigation.  
8:03 am

While I ignore the things that want to speak to me, the things that keep telling me his name over and over in a stupid repetitive fashion, I continue on with my work, content to stay here in the confines of these purple walls.

I have the recordings that talk to me, the files to be decoded and so many beautiful memories I think I'm drowning.

Speaking of which…I've been remembering more of them as time goes on. Just small things that shouldn't mean anything but do.

The horrible twisted grin of his that turned up when he was malicious and down when he was pissed.

Two faced alien menace.

I wish I could see him one last time.

Or the way the breath sawed in and out of his squeedely spooch-thingy as we chased each other around the darkened street, kicking about the dead cigarettes and empty cheep vodka bottles.

It was music.

The time he showed me how a real irken fought.

Taught me how to hold my own against the morons at skool.

Then promptly afterward pointed them all in my direction, and laughed while I tried to take on at least ten of them. Arrogant space-monster.

Thank uh…god? That the tears have stopped coming. Or rather refuse to show up anymore.

The son of a bitch was hording my stuff;

my old, old, old trench coat that's almost grey and torn to pieces.

My favorite Linkin Park cd.

A whole show box of chewed pencils and broken pens.

A little figurine of a alien I did back in 6th grade art class.

A few lollipops and a bunch of paper clips I had bent out of shape.

I mean most of its useless but, why then why keep it?


	18. Chapter 18

August 16th, 2016  
Day 163 since Zim's death.  
Day 46 of my Lab Investigation.  
7:45 PM

Just when I want to give up and close down this stupid green house forever, something catches my eye or drags me back into the black hole that is Zim's stupid, unmeaningful life.

I don't mean that.

I don't think I do anyway. I'm just so confused and scared of what I'm feeling.

I'm scared of how utterly worthless I am without him. I hope the basterd made it into some place nice. Not hell or whatever the Irkens consider a hell.

From my research they have not a heaven or a hell. It's just an abyss. Since they have no real soul when they die, they are lost and quickly replaced.

The Irkens are cold hearted bastards. Unlike Zim, who was incredibly fiery. All angry and flushed with rage.

Anyway, what I was saying was I found something, something that once again dispelled the voices begging me to end it all and just give up.

It's a bunch to recordings that Zim did. Not just the small stupid ones in between experiments but real actual loggings he kept of his time here on earth.

I can't decide which one to watch and decode first…the best plan of action I can consider it so ask the voices…they tend to make many decisions for me anyway.

The three I am considering are Zim's arrival to Earth, Zim after his Tallest Left him here to die, or…Zim talking about me. Which one should I watch, damn it?

AN: Yes...I am asking you for your opinion. Well in this case Dib is.  
You ARE the voices people. XD  
So what will it be?  
's first opinion on earth.  
's reaction after the Tallest's transmission.  
or C. Zim's special message about Dibbles?

I dun own Invader Zim.


	19. Chapter 19

_10 Minutes later…_

I freaking hate these voices. They tell me so many things. Everyone wants something different.

But, the one that calls out to me the most, is Zim's message to me.

I don't really know if it's a message or if it's just him rambling about my big head but either way, it seems that will be the first one I watch. I'll watch the others later.

Okay…I'm clicking on it now. I'll translate it later for you.

-Later-

_[The irken is on top of a roof. At first you can't tell exactly which roof because he doesn't tell you.]_

Zim: There are some things you should know, Dib-Stink. Things that Zim cannot tell you to your face. This is not out of fear of course…eh, but because the universe will implode if I do.

[ Nods confidently]

When I fist came here, everything disgusted me. Many, many things still do. Even you. Still…don't let what I'm about to say, get to your already huge head. It's not meant to be like this. Zim never expected for this to happen… To fall to levels Irkens do not recognize.

But, I did…

You are my…Jemna. My verd`ika. My Kribliss.

Everything an irken can do to claim a mate and a enemy. Essentially you are mine, Worm-Child.

I wanted to rule earth. Crush those people beneath my boots for my own purposes.  
But, as the cursed time went on and we talked and you smiled and I felt all fuzzy…I-Zim wanted to murder them all in a fiery pit of pickles and giraffes. Not only for me but for [whisper] you, too.

I can picture your response. It is predictable. Your rolling your eyes at my words, how dare you. Your getting all emotional and hyuman on me.

But, honestly Zim, does not even notice your weirdness anymore.

Yes, you will bathe daily, to rid yourself of the germs…maybe even hourly. You MUST wear gloves, thick ones, to touch me and you will have to severely lower your annoying level but, I, Zim, plan to keep you after I take over for…us.

Oh and by the way, you will not be able to sleep as much. It's boring. I'm limiting you to three hours. [Points camera at window on roof, revealing my window and my sleeping figure, lawled out on the messy bed.] Once, I finish this, I'll wake you up and get you all pissy and maybe we'll fight a little before it happens.

If I know you, which I do. I am Zim after all and Zim knows everything and anything about even the slightest thing.

[Nod.] What was I eh—oh yeah! I remember! Not that I forgot.

You are sneaking through my lab, looking for clues about me, about my life and…my death. The fact that I am a Defect.

Do NOT do this anymore. Stop now, Stoopid-Dirt-Boy.

It's dangerous and risky. Empire business. No time to really explain.

The ones, the Hiyjak come.

No using your decoding parachuting powers either, Dib-Stink.

You will understand one day.

But, not now.

Maybe, not in a hundred years.

I hate this as much as you do. But listen to Zim closely. In my lab there is a button surrounded by a big metal case. Press it and the lab will shut down to it's orginal size.

Do it. I know you can see the hated button Dib. Press it. You will walk away and move on.

We will go our separate ways, you to live strong, fearless, human and stoopid.

I will try to come back…

Read my note Dib.

Yitugon Jemna, Zim.

AN: Seriously people re-read Zim's note. It was entry nine.  
This chapter will make much more sense.

Okay to clear up confusion...and to give credit to amazing fellow writers:  
Verd`ika is property of the awesome . Read this story for more about it...or just read it because I love it : [link]

Kribliss is property of the kick-ass . Read this story because it explains it more and it was one of my very first fanfics I ever read : [link]

They are both amazing writers and inspire the hell out of me.

I don't own Invader Zim or Verd`ika or Kribliss. Jemna be mine but I kind of share rights with .


	20. Chapter 20

November 11, 2016  
Eight months since Zim's demise.  
That's 240 days.  
Day 77 of my Lab Investigation.

With the help Of Gir, whom I found huddling under a table WAY back in the rescesses of Zim's lab, and my ability to hack into Irken technology, I've recovered a recording that Zim did, exactly a month before his death.

After listening to the last few, I have to say I was a bit nervous to watch.

However, even if this one isn't as bad as the one before it still makes me ache.

I've transferred it into English script.

I don't know why I bother when I already speak Irken. I guess it's to have it in my native language, to be able to read them even when I'm drowsy from lack of sleep. A way of holding onto him, maybe?

_March 11, 2016_

Zim: I fear nothing. At least I didn't when I came here two filthy earth years ago. I was numb, erratically blind. Content in my mission to destroy this pitiful rock, exhilarated in the new turn my life had taken.  
I am Zim. An Irken invader that up until a few months ago, hated every minute spent on this dirt ball. Everything about it disgusted me. People, places, weapons, transportation, the environment…

[Pause]

Zim: Then I noticed grass. It's sort of like the vegetation we have on Irk except green. It smells good. There were rainbows after the dreaded rain, which shocked and thrilled me. The many fatty, artery clogging junk foods…I want them all. Twinkies, pop tarts, hot pockets, ice cream, funnel cakes… The bad things keep getting countered by the good things.  
[Pause. Sound of shuffling.]

Zim: Then there's the Dib-Thing. I get the feeling that he doesn't hate me as much anymore…  
I'm not sure if I do either. In a way…an odd, disturbing way, we are alike. I am…a defect. That I know now. And the Dib…he is in a way defective as well. His father, Membrane, created what he hoped would be the perfect son. Instead he got Dib.  
[Zim laughing.]

Zim: Dib is filed under Membrane's experiments as 'Failed'. We are the same, in other ways as well. Both of our species hold distain over us. Our intelligence is matched.  
Dib is one of the things I find tolerable about this planet. The only intelligent being. To tell you the truth…I'm sure I need him. My mission is…a lie. I've known for two months now, trapped here but, I can't stop myself from fighting him. From wanting his eyes on me and pretending like I'm still going to destroy him.  
This planet is poisoning me. I feel more human by the day, more prone to idiotic emotions.

[Pause.]

Zim: I want…Dib. I hate him with a fiery heat, hotter than this planet's sun but…I want to be with him. There I said it. I want Dib. I hurt…when he's not there and my thoughts fly to him without permission. What could this mean? Am I diseased?  
Or is it just because I'm alone now?

-End-  


Zim sounds sincere. In the videos he looks it, as well.

I get my hopes up over and over.

Those notes he left me, these transmissions…they keep making me feel as if any moment I'll hear the Voot cruiser landing, or a loud, burst of laughter at my suspense before I'm kicked out of the dark, gloomy trenches of the lab, or Gir will screech a welcome to the incoming Irken and I'll finally tell him how I feel…hell I would settle for a phone call at thi—


	21. Chapter 21

I have no time.

Short summary.

In case I die…

Zim called.

Or his transmission called for him.

It popped up on the screen with his face and I-I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move.

He was asking for help. Telling me his coordinates and the time and the situation.

_Dear God…thank you. Thank you._

If he's alive still…I'll stop hunting him. I'll give up junk food and late nights on the computer. I just need him…

Taking off soon. Can't waste time.

Once I'm in space and on autopilot…I can give a better report.


	22. Chapter 22

November 12, 2016  
Day ? since Zim came to Earth.

Oh my god. He could be alive. This entire time.

I'm in space finally and the only thing I can do is switch between crying and laughing. The coordinates are set and now is on autopilot.

I don't have the record of the transmission with me. Too much in a hurry when I get back to earth I'll translate it to text, but in case I don't get back (he told me on the video to expect dangerous hostiles.).

Zim popped up on the screen as if on a timer. He looked bad. A huge gash next to his right eye, had it nearly swelled shut. But still he had the gall to call me Earth-Monkey and stinky and moron on the transmission. That means he should be okay right?

For all I know, I could get there, break him out and find him dead. But, I can't think like that…

Not again. Can't go back to that. Not those voices and the loneliness and feeling so lost all the time…

He barked a few coordinates. Which I have plugged into Tak's ship now.

Told me to be careful, to use my enormous, huge, giant head to get me there and back safely.

I was crying then too. He'd called my head big and I loved it.

I don't know how he knew that I'd gone through his stuff, and seen everything. I don't know how he knew I would come for him or that I'd even still be alive, but I watched him grimace in pain and in dread at something behind the camera.

'The Hiyjak are the Armada's allies. Tallest knew, Dib. I kept going out of the atmosphere even though they told me not to…I'm—not sorry. Jemna.' It seemed his face softened for an instant, before he scowled. 'Now hurry your meat bag. Zim doesn't have all the time in the world, Dib-Stink.'

Yep. Still as insulting as usual. Yet, I don't care. At least right now. When I see him again…I'll hug him, beat the fucking shit out of him, then kiss him with everything inside of me.

If we live…I'll make that asshole mine.


	23. Chapter 23

A few hours later…

I see it.

The Massive and the billions of ships that hover around it, kind of like insects around their hive.

I always hated bugs.

Especially these ones since they stand between me and him.

That's how I'll think of them from now on. Bugs are easy to squish, to make dissaper.

As I get closer, I destroy them one by one. Not all of them. That would be impossible.

But, the ones that seem to notice I'm not part of them and get too curious. They get squished by the nifty laser cannon set on high and aimed perfectly.

The Massive is a planet in itself. I wouldn't be surprised if it was bigger than Earth. Two earths.

One big bug. One I HAVE to get inside.

There we go. A docking platform.

This is it. If I'm not back…well then fuck.

I'm not really worried for myself, which I guess means I'm a robot or something but, mainly I just want to find Zim alive.

Please be alive…


	24. Chapter 24

I have him…Holy fuck I have him.

The beautiful son of a bitch.

He's got large scratches all over his body, the traces of his uniform are ragged and soaked with his blue blood. It sticks to my own skin and it's cold. He's cold.

But, I can feel the beat of his squeedely spooch under my hand.

There's blood on these pages now. I held him so close, and cried so hard, my lungs hurt.

He's still unconscious, body still but, I have hope now.

A huge smile plastered to my face. He's alive damn it and I'm alive and we're gonna be together again…

Okay. I hugged him. When he wakes up, I'll punch him.

Then I'll kiss the stupidity right out of him.

**Later:**

He's awake.

Those magenta eyes flashed up to me, and I saw them widen in horror and fear before slowly comprehending who I was. The panic lessened and became something softer.

He sat up, wincing a bit but too proud to admit to the pain.

As soon as he shook off the discomfort and turned towards me, I clenched my fist.

'Dib-Monkey. Took you long enou—' I punched him right between the eyes. The place he taught me to aim for so long ago, when he was helping me take down those bullies.

Zim flew backwards, claws scratching along the wall for support. He growled and demanded to know what the fuck was wrong with me?

I didn't respond. Just yanked him back up, him flailing and cursing my name and my big head and my brother(even though I had none), before fusing my lips against his.

The relief was instantaneous.

As if my entire being was relaxing, falling apart when our mouths touched.

The filling feeling, like a thirsty man, drinking water for the first time in ten years. Impossible and magical. Addicting as I'd always known it would be.

Nine months was too long. Way too long to be apart, to be without his touch and his anger. The entrancing way he demanded everything and took whatever he wanted. Zim was the greatest part of life, of me.

I run my tongue along the jade lips of my enemy, and he opens wantonly. I take everything he can give. Our teeth clash together, splitting lips, cutting gums but it doesn't matter as we swallow shared air and the heat becomes too much.

It's too much to be with him. Not enough to be without him. God, he's perfect and imperfect and the most amazing being ever to live. He's so stupid, a moron and yet, a genius.

A clawed hand runs through my hair, sending pinpricks of electricity down my spine. The sharp fingers, touch my face and I'm found after being so lost.

There's a feeling that never goes away. A shinning spot of light in the darkness that was my existence.

All of it is Zim. Every second, every yell for recognition, every time I woke up screaming at night, when I had that first dream, when he kissed me, when I cried for him…all because of Zim, for Zim, I need Zim.

I need him. And I'll take him, whether he wants to be or not.


	25. Chapter 25

**Lost track of Time a while ago.**

I realize that being with him would always be a problem. I mean our past is filled to the brim with things such as our hatred. No matter how much it pains me now, I have the memory of hurting him. I have the moments when I punched him, hated him.

We still fight. I mean two hard headed, opinionated, nearly crazed males stuck together in a crammed space can lead to some serious bruises. It also made our past come up much more often than I would like.

Damn that alien is still annoying as hell. He hates to lose. Just like me. Has serious commitment and trust issues. Also reminiscent of me.

Alike in so many ways. So why can't we get along?

See the thing is I'm not particularly sure I even want us to. Fighting with him is almost as much fun as kissing him. Almost.

The rush is still there, that's for sure. In everything. A touch, a kiss, a brutal battle of wits.

I've never felt this way before. But, that's a given, since I've never done this with anyone before.

Zim is my first…well everything.

Fuck, now that I think of it he was my first fist fight, first enemy, first friend, first person I ever trusted as much as him, first kiss, first well, uh, lover…my first…love?

I don't freaking know. What is love? Never understood the concept and even now being around him it's all so foggy.

Hell, I don't even make sense to myself half the time anymore. I'm back to talking to myself and rambling like a moron. I'm catching the stupid from him.

It's like a disease. One that I'm kind of happy I have.

Okay he's passed out from the large percentage of pain meds his pak is giving him to help with the healing. He was more internally damaged than outwardly.

Now that I have time to write I can finally put down everything that's happened, everything that happened to Zim. He put it to me like this;

The armada hadn't been happy with him for a while. Obviously from the whole banishing thing and the stupid Tallest's transmission.

But, him claiming me as his Jemna was kind of the final straw. It's not only illegal, it's punishable by death. Zim says the Tallest were merciful.( hate the bastards) He disobeyed them, going out of the atmosphere during one of our numerous battles.

I can remember him becoming withdrawn after that. This was when he began to look out at the sky, checking his communicator for fear of them calling.

Apparently, he kissed me after he found out they were coming for him.

Then of course he thought he could get away. The note was meant to be goodbye. He would leave and try to come back. They couldn't know I was his Jemna.

He hadn't expected the Tallest to send the Hiyjak.

Ancient, brutal and nearly extinct assassins. The Empire kept only the best after the annihilation of their planet in exchange for their lives.

The Tallest knew only they could bring down such a moronic and destructive irken defect.

And they did. Only I interrupted.

They'd put a toxic chemical into his Pak. It sends the victim into a near coma.

Explains why I thought he was dead. I remember him pointing back at the shadows behind me. It chills my blood to think they were there. So close. I could've killed the bastards and stopped this from happening.

When I passed out they must've taken Zim with them. I never saw anyone come get him. Just assumed the Irkens had. So stupid.

After that, they took him back to the Massive where he was kept inside a cell. The hiyjak kept guard as they waited for them to return to Irk where Zim's final execution would be made public. They rid themselves of boredom by beating up the small irken. Of course Zim fought back the best he could. I do not doubt it.

Fortunately, one day he really fought back. They never expected him to keep trying. But he did and finally knocked them unconscious. Not enough to get out. But one of the guards had a transmitter on his wrist.

This was Zim's last chance. Irk was growing closer by the second. He used it to send me the Transmission.

Soon afterwards they regained their consciousness. That's what he was grimacing about in the video.

He knew I would be stubborn and stupid enough to keep digging, to keep trying. Knew I would come save him.

_'Not that Zim needed saving'._ Right, Space boy.

A.N:

And ta-dah the secret is revealed. XD  
Don't worry people,...I love my fanfics with serious closure and a epic end.  
This is not over yet. 5 Chapters left.


	26. Chapter 26

Day 14 of our time in Space.

The ride is a long one, spent with us arguing nonsensically and the occasional burst of Zim's unwavering temper.

But, the Earth is in sight.

The swirling blue and greenish brown more welcome than I had ever really expected.

Sure, the vast chasms' of space are beautiful and the mystery thrilling, still seeing my planet, a place that I'm familiar with and know I have something solid to hold onto have me eager to land.

When the computer first told us that Earth was so close, I couldn't help but let out a pleased noise.

Of course I glanced over at Zim to check his reaction; something I've done forever it feels. There was a glaze over those bottomless ruby eyes. The passion was there, the flame cautiously burning.

I could see it there, the yearning and the relief.

He'd missed Earth too.

Of course when I inquired his feelings on the subject all I got was a glare and a pithy response of, "Glad to be back on that pile of rocks and worthless maggots? Of course not!"

The liar.


	27. Chapter 27

Day 15 Of Our Time in Space.  
According to a Satalite we passed it's 3:09 am.

The thing between us is terrifying. I'm so overwhelmed all the time.

It was like we were back as enemies…he's so mind numbing. Making me feel drained.

But, I also feel completely exhilarated. Zim's utter enthusiasm has me bouncing up and down. The stupid glitter in his eyes.

I can't help but think back to when we used to hate each other.

The moments when I wanted to lay him on an autopsy table and rip him open. Or I used to tell myself that.

Now all I can see is those singular seconds when I watched him. Obsessed over everything he did. Every breath he took, every movement was categorized. It's so obvious to me now what would've been horrible to me then.

In my darkest moments, I see him. Zim standing on a playground observing everything around him, taking it all in and storing it away for further analysis later.

Standing next to him, sitting, running, next to him, admiring the curious way he looked at the most ordinary of objects and seemed to be fascinated to a extent beyond anything I would've ever hoped to experience.

God, him with his expressions that used to make me afraid for my well being, now they show off everything he's feeling, thinking. One look can explain an entire story and its so fucking adorable, my insides melt.

Zim and me. Me and Zim. I don't think there's ever been a more fucked up relationship.

I want to hurt him and tear him to shreds. Make him bleed, make him see me. He's all mine and I want everyone to know and yet if anyone found out I'd probably kill them.

Zim looks at me and I see my death, the blood red of his large, passionate eyes showcasing the very way he's thought of it a billion times. But, he's leaning on me now, those very eyes shut, face relaxed. The yellowing bruises not marring his beauty at all.

My chest feels incredibly tight and I can't breathe sometimes. Usually when he's touching me. There are times when he'll tell me a little of what happened on the Massive. If I hadn't gotten there sooner…

But, I did, damn it and he's alive. We're alive. Earth is close.

What will happen when we land though? What if…it goes right back to the way it was before? I don't want to fight him anymore! I want him. I want us.

I hope the arrogant ass wants the same.

We've broken through the atmosphere. It won't be long now until we're home.


	28. Chapter 28

Day 2 of Being Home  
8:15 pm.

I never knew how much I would miss pizza. And Gaz and grass.

The red sky is incredible, the stars so much better from below. My bed is softer than I ever remember.

Not that I've spent much time in my bed. Most of its been focused on a certain Irken.

He has been over here almost constantly. I think he's afraid. Not that he would ever admit it. I would be too. We went to his house to grab a few changes of clothes, let Gir know Zim was okay and to get some of my stuff from when I was practically living there.

Since then he's here; complaining about the state of my room, which is to be fair quite a disaster. He's gone through my large collection of stuff about him. I blushed my ass off, when he found the detailed sketch of what I assumed his anatomy would look like…um, under the uniform.

I was pretty much right, by the way.

Day 4 of Being Home.  
2:30 am

I fucked up so bad. We fought. My throat became sore from yelling. It wasn't petty, like it normally would be.

I couldn't help but go back to those days of pain and grief. Of all the sorrow and the tears I cried over him. He's acting as if none of it happened. I need to know what this Jemna thing is to him and how it relates to me. Does it mean he wants me? Forever as the definition described?

Do I want that? After months of him being gone, of feeling the unique agony of knowing life without him…of feeling that emptiness of not having him near…I do. I do want him. I want to be with him. Forever.

It was a brutal fight. For the first time in months I hit him. Then he scratched me across the face.

The pain didn't matter. All I saw was the vague glimmer of tears there in his huge eyes.

Then I let loose on him; I told him that when I thought he died, I wanted to follow him.  
When I was alone, he was all I thought about!  
He didn't understand how fucking awful it felt to think he was dead!  
Now he was back and suddenly thought everything was going to be the same!  
He kissed me! He died in front of my eyes!

Here is where I messed up the worst:

_I told him I loved him._

God, what the fuck was I thinking? Telling an alien invader, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him…

I meant it too. I love Zim. I only found out when I realized he was alive. It was strongest then.

He's gone now. Left out my window and I watched him run through the rain down the street.

That's one thing I think neither of us missed about Earth; the rain that kept him inside the house and away from me.


	29. Chapter 29

Day 10 of being Home.  
10:05 pm

Pissed off. Lonely and devastated about sum up my feelings as of late.

Five days I haven't see one sign of that fucking alien. No green skin or violent screaming.  
I still wonder if there's any hope for us. It's beginning to feel as if I ruined everything. Did I?

That sounds like something I would do. I usually mess things up.

Now it's just a pity party isn't it? Damn it.

Day 11  
2:34 am

Can't sleep. Kept dreaming of his eyes. Those claws in my skin. The whisper of my name over and over again on lips like crushed mint.

The yearning for him grows. I feel more and more like I'm falling apart.

But, kept whole because even if he doesn't love me back…I know he's alive.

That's enough to make this worthwhile.

Day 12  
6:08 pm

Found a picture of him under my pillow. I must've put it there when I was going delusional after he 'died'.

I need to see him now. I'm going over to his house.

Wish me luck.

7:57 pm

The lowest of the low. The bastard wouldn't even open the door. I can't break in either because he changed all the locks.

Damn it, Zim!

Who knew love would hurt this much?

Maybe I'm better off without him?

I can live without that smug arrogant Irken. After all I lived before him. I can do it now.

Those words are so heavy with lies.

Day 13  
12:15 pm

I can't think straight. It was like it was after he died, with me feeling utterly insane all over again. I can't stand it an—

Day 15

Zim came to me. TO ME!

He crawled in my window when I wasn't paying attention and yanked my up by my hand, pulling me to him for a brutal kiss, before cursing my name and throwing me back on the bed.

Those wide eyes, seemed more brilliant than ever before and the sight of him, for the first time in days was so refreshing I felt reinvigorated and renewed once more.

All at once my heart was pumping, blood swirling in my veins. Adrenaline zoomed, making everything more vibrant, more real. Reality was Zim.

In that arrogant voice he whispered to me all he knew about love. The random stuff, 'that that horrible Googley thing' told him.

Chemical reactions. Interpersonal and personal love. Sexual attraction, reproduction. It all meant nothing to him. He didn't understand any of it.

What did I mean that I loved him?

I stood up, shakily of course and I told him…I told him all the times I cried for him, about him.  
The way I laughed at all his antics, the unusual fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach. The suffocation of him not being around, the way it was unusually dreary.

How he knew me better than anyone would ever want to, in all the years I would live I'd never cared for anyone the way I did him.

I murmured the obsession that had blossomed into passion one foggy night what felt like a hundred years ago. Lifted his chin, stared deep into those wonderful mauve eyes that if given enough time, I could be hypnotized by.

I willingly told him all about the selfish need I had to make him mine, to unfold all the secrets he harbored. Shoved out into the blinding light, for all to see my extreme emotional attachment to his laughter, and all the quirks that made him entirely different from anyone else in the entire universe.

Pushing him back onto the bed, I made it no secret that I felt the most uncontrollable things for him. Things that had come into play when he'd kissed me that day after skool. I nibbled an antenna, words of adoration came too.

I tortured him with the ideas of our life together. I made him remember the times of our past; the ticking seconds that used to drag and flash with our battles. Our hatred that was our only defining point. The war that shaped both of us far into the present.

I told him, I wanted to make him remember only me for the rest of his life. That in a moment of blinding passion I would be the only face, name to explode into his mind.

Recounted him with tales of what the future could hold for us…us together in his living room, watching TV and just talking. Protecting him from the rain. The normalcy of it all was something I thirsted for with such desperation it was a physical thing and the light that was illuminating from the extremely expressing eyes of the Irken let me know he felt it too.

Together I drove us over the brink and he gasped my name as I wanted.  
He flipped me over, to my shock and delight to take charge. Tilting his head, he frowned and said it was all so familiar. Very familiar to what Jemna stood for. Kribliss, Verd'ika.

I was almost to tired to move, but my eyes stayed open because I want-no needed to hear this.

Those antenna fell flat against his skull as Zim leaned down to bite my chin. A small drop of blood trickled down to my neck and he licked it away with that delicious serrated tongue.

In loud words, the obvious Zim style, he demanded my eternal devotion. My loyalty. If I was to be bonded to him, I had to sleep lots less and clean a lot more. My living area would be spotless. I was to train every day, get stronger. There was to be no, mushy-gushy lurve stuff. Not under his room. It was gross. Apparently spread germs. The occasional kissing would maybe, possibly be aloud…

Blinking at him, the evening sun falling behind him, the dust motes swirling in that empty room and an alien straddling me, I didn't give a shit what he wanted from me. I would do it all. Everything and anything to have him with me.


	30. Chapter 30 LAST

January 4th, 2017

2:30 pm

It's average. Normal now.

Looking into those wonderful, flawless eyes. Holding his small body late into the night. Waking up early because he has stupid sleeping habits and because Gir is insane and cooks Twinkie cakes at 4 in the morning.

I don't need to chase him anymore. But, sometimes it's fun to play our game of cat and mouse like we once did so long ago. Also because he enjoys to hide my clothes. Not because he wants to see me naked but because he's a dick like that.

We make cheesy jokes that no one else gets, play fight in the middle of anywhere and laugh.

Scream insults that are pet names now. Hurt each other in the barest of ways, just for the pleasure because we're fucked up like that.

Sometimes we fight, but what couple doesn't? Can I help that ours involve lasers, barbaric monkeys, explosions, big foot and the occasional threat of severe mutilation?

Afterwards we walk around, hand in hand, as if we've done it our whole lives, just talking.

About anything and everything. Sometimes we can fall into those subjects that make us tense. But mostly it's light hearted teasing.

I can cry and he'll comfort me to the best of his limited and crappy ability. He'll talk of irk and I know it hurts him to do so.

By no means are we friends…we're that and much more. My lover. My Jemna.

So many problems still exist and I think I like it that way.

I look down at that stubborn, hard headed fool who I spent half of my life with, almost died over and I still see that ticking bomb. I alone know how to make it explode, how to keep it calm. I can see his trust in me growing more and more as the days go on.

The truth in all extents is that Zim saved me, much like the way I saved him. It keeps turning. The limitless clock of physical and mental salvation. We perfectly complete each other. I have a feeling it'll continue to be that way for the rest of our lives.

People ask me what I want for my future and I don't have a career or a certain place to go…unless you count a pink couch in my ex-enemy's base as a place. Or a career as a best friend, and Jemna.

I think one day I'll find a real job. But for now I'm enjoying just being with him after so long alone. We're going to re enroll in skool anyway one day.

Nothings ever perfect. But, I've resigned myself to that a long time ago. Sure, everyone thinks I'm insane and Zim has a temper that can rival the worst cranky grizzly bear.

But, no ones ever seen the sleepy look in his eyes when he yawns in the morning and complains that I smell of stale human and feel the magical moment when he wakes up fully and sees your staring at him. The dazed look switched instantly to recognition and trust, sparks of passion and a bit of challenge. Hidden in the threads of magenta hide the one thing I've always been searching for…tenderness and caring. Love. He hasn't said it back yet. I'm not sure he ever will or if he'll even want to understand the word, but knowing I'm his Jemna is enough for me.

Outside, the rain is falling. Once upon a time…about a year ago I would see it as ominous and the sound of the tap against the metal roof of Zim's house would mean he wouldn't be coming out until the last drop dried from the sun. I would slump and mope about. It meant that I would be losing and he would be kept from me.

For Zim it meant danger and losing another battle to an element of hydrogen and oxygen. It was the ultimate insult. It meant we would not see each other for a few days. It meant that he would be able to actually think for those days and start to remember the horrible feeling of being banished and abandoned.

Now, with Mysterious Mysteries playing in the back ground, Gir running around, computer complaining and Zim pressed against my side, lounging about like a cat, looking so damn beautiful in my shirt…I can see why some people like the rain. I consider it my friend now. It means we can be inside together. I can just hold my Irken. The one that changed and made me grow. The one who I will be grateful to forever. The one who can drive me wild and make me feel as if I've gone insane. The one with big, emotional eyes and the one who makes me want to scream in frustration. My arrogant ass. Yes, I'm fine with the rain. As long as I can keep a firm grip on that wonderful, creepy, magical, weird, obsessive, moron that I've grown to love.

Dib's –Keep Out—

FIN.


End file.
